The Not So Secret, Dirty Little Secrets of BB9!

"Big Brother 9" was by far, my least favorite season. Maybe because it aired at a different point in the year as CBS's solution to the writers' strike. Maybe because of the forced couples alliance. Or maybe because it came on the heals of my favorite season, "Big Brother 8." Whatever the reason, I had a hard time really getting in to it.

The Couples

Alex and Amanda were paired together. Real life couple Ryan and Jen were paired with other people (Allison and Parker) while real life ex-couple Sharon and Jacob were paired together. There was a gay couple, Joshuah and Neil, and just plain couples Matt and Natalie, and James and Chelsia. Last but not least, Adam was coupled with Sheila, making them the oldest couple in the house, much to Adam's chagrin.

Almost from the start, it became apparent that the casting department had gone out of their way to find some true misfits. Sure, there were some every year, but this year stole the show.
The Stories Behind the Stories
James was billed as a young man bicycling around the world but soon the internet discovered his "dirty little secret." James, while paired with Chelsia and calling himself straight, had indulged in a variety of gay porn movies pre-BB. Soon his images were posted on various sites alongside his nude images from the show. He also sported a variety of tattoos, including one of a priest which was likely a slap in the face to many Catholics.

Adam was a teacher of autistic children who called them "retards" while in the house. He spoke of drug use and disclosed the basis for his nickname, "Baller." Any sane parent would have wondered what was happening to the educational system in America if Baller was any indication of the type of teachers we have.

Matt was the typical chauvinist. Natty regularly "serviced" Matt who welcomed her advances at night but pushed her away during the day. The mixed signals lead to a colossal blowout between the two of them witnessed by the entire house, along with the live feed viewers.

Natty, on the other hand, was not averse to removing her clothing and preaching Christ at the same time. Well, possibly not at the same time but really close. An interesting mix, she, Matt, Sheila and Baller became known as "Team Christ." In addition to making Matt happy at night, Natalie's other talent was the ability to "squirt milk" from her breasts.

Jen and Ryan had agreed to keep their relationship a secret while in the house but that turned out to be easier said than done. Their one claim to fame was a bathroom tryst that lead to the shortest recorded sexual excapade in the history of the show.

Allison and Sheila decided it would be great strategy to tell people they were lesbian lovers who knew each other outside the house. Yep. That'll do it! Best strategy in the world! Sarcasm. When they came out of the closet that they were lying, no one believed them.

Jacob made an early exit when the house decided he was stirring the pot. Haha, it's BB folks, everyone stirred the pot. He could quite possibly have been one of the "normal" ones that season.

Parker, without a partner after Jen and Ryan came out of the closet, moved on to Amanda who had accused Alex of attempted rape after an evening together in the HOH. Alex, for his part, was frustrated feeling that BB had purposely teamed him with a virgin to ensure that he would not get "any."

Gay couple Neil and Joshuah lasted only a short time as Neil mysteriously disappeared from the show. There were some interesting rumors including a family emergency but if that had been true, Julie Chen would likely have explained it on one of the shows. Joshuah went on to unleash one of the vilest, most repugnant rants against Amanda. Reminiscent of Evel Dick (BB8), Josh acknowledged that he wanted to the the "gay Evel Dick."

There was a lot of sex and a lot of nudity but nothing really struck the "Big Brother" chord that made it a great season and it was a relief when it ended. Maybe the couples theme set the tone for the entire season, and all the players got distracted from real game play in their quest to hook-up. Who knows? It just lacked something in my book.


How to Start a Drug Ring -- Baller Style
Baller took home the grand prize after promising to give some to an autism charity. Baller did have big plans for the money but autism was far from his mind. He went back to Florida and started a drug ring with his winnings. In October 2009, 18 months after winning, Baller was arrested in Massachusetts with 2,000 Oxcodone pills in his possession and intent to distribute on his mind. Adam entered a treatment facility. After completing the program, he was allowed out on bail but remains under house arrest waiting for trial.

Three Strikes in a Week!
Matt seemed to be doing okay. About a year ago, he posted pics with his girlfriend and seemed genuinely in love. The two shared a Facebook for awhile. In early April, Matt and his girlfriend announced their engagement and pregnancy. The BB world of internet fans emitted a nearly audible "awwwww" at the announcement.

Then last week, everything unraveled for Matt. First came news that he was arrested for beating his seven-week pregnant girlfriend. Then came news he was re-arrested for intimidating her. Finally, on Monday, he was arrested a third time eight days, for his role in Adam's drug ring. Hardly a stellar citizen.

James, too, struggled a bit publicly. Once out of the house, the psuedo-celebrity that greets the past house guests can be bit overwhelming and James found himself quickly swept up in the entire scene. James posted regular videos on youtube chronicling his dangerously self-destructive behavior. He traveled to Europe with his girlfriend and continued to post his regular bouts with problematic behavior while asking fans to send donations in support of his lifestyle.

And So On...
Eventually, James started a bicycle trip to Africa hoping for the financial support of fans who were wearied by his constant requests for gifts and donations. His trip ended shortly after he left a pirate ship, as he came to the realization that it just would not work out. He traveled home to Florida and is working. Hopefully, he will get his life on track.

Natalie followed her own not too surprising path. Apparently unable to get "Playboy" or "Penthouse" backing, she started her own nude photo website. Whether it's the photographer's lack of creativity or Natalie's inability to convey real emotion, the few photos I've seen are mundane, run of the mill and hardly worth sacrificing whatever remains of her dignity.

Jen and Ryan lasted only a few months after the show. Ryan went to Boston to visit Matt and had an affair. Jen quite publicly ended it and flew to California to be with Alex. The two appeared in some rather intimate photos giving everyone the idea they were in a relationship. Within two months, Jen was on the move to Arizona to live with her new love (not Alex). After appearing on BB, having sexing in the bathroom as the cameras rolled (sound but no pics), publicly berating her boyfriend for an affair, flying to the arms of a fellow BB player, and moving to another state to be with a new boyfriend that she had only known two months, Jen was disappointed to find out that it was difficult to get another teaching job. She blamed BB but in reality, she only had herself to blame.

BB9 Success Stories
And so it goes. Sure, Alex has continued his successful DJ company and has finished his masters degree in education. Amanda has apparently found happiness in Minnesota and is five months pregnant with a little girl. Chelsia is working for Real Player in Seattle. Sheila has ran a marathon and appeared a few times on TV. Parker is quite successful pursuing a career in commercials. Jacob, Sharon, Joshuah and Allison have all but disappeared, which might be a blessing in disguise.

So, was it the season? Or was it the casting? Did they consciously try to find people that were living on the edge? Or was it all luck, very bad luck that one season included two future felons? Who knows? But personally, I think they need to pay closer attention to the psych evals!

BB12 Fans Vs. Faves?

"Big Brother" auditions are underway for the upcoming season. There's been a lot of talk about the possibility that 12 might be a Fans vs. Faves season, but I hope not.

"Survivor" managed to produce a season of Fans vs. Faves, and since that time, many fans of BB have hoped for something similar for "Big Brother." The two shows are so completely different from one another, however, and what works for one is not necessarily destined to work for another.

"Survivor" is a team effort initially, so it was easy to divide the teams. "Big Brother" on the other hand, is mostly an individual effort with some team elements. While the producers have dabbled with the team concept in the past, it's never worked well, and they usually end up "divorcing" the teams prior to the midway point.

In fairness, since season 8, there's talk every year of a possible Fans vs. Faves season, and this year is no different really. Except for the fact that last year, BB producers moved from teams of two to three and four. That little fact makes a huge difference, in spite of the fact that the teams clearly did not last long and there was significant animosity between team members. The producers may be looking for a whole new look and feel to this show that is already 11 seasons old.

So what does that mean for the viewers?

Fans vs. Faves would differ dramatically from an All Stars 2 season. Fave house guests are not necessarily the best players. In fact, unlike "Survivor," the faves of BB sometimes don't even make it to the merge. Many have no gaming skills, but were among the most popular when they were evicted. Another important factor seems to be involvement in a showmance, though not necessarily all the time.

The faves would probably be selected from season 8 onward. The reason for this is simple, season 7 was the first All Stars, and many of the previous six seasons' favorites have already had a shot. Face it, Chicken George is quaint but two seasons of him are more than enough. Kaysar Ridha was a favorite during season 6. So much so that he was brought back after being evicted during that season only to be evicted shortly after. The following season, he came back and showed no more game skills than the previous season.

So who would probably be invited back for a season of Fans vs. Faves?

Season 8
Nick Starcevic - Nick's lack of games skills is nearly as legendary as Kaysar's. He really lacked any viable BB knowledge. His corny quotes made him a fan favorite to the point where he managed to set eBay records for BB merchandise after his eviction.

Jessica Hughbanks - Jessica won two HoH's during her season, but other than that, she was mostly Eric's mouthpiece. Still, her selection as the potential leader of the "Popular Clique" last summer makes her selection as a Fave almost definite.

Season 9
Alex Coladonato - Alex too, possessed few game skills and was quickly evicted, along with partner Amanda Hansen. Fans were asked to vote for "America's Choice" to go back into the house, and Alex won the vote. So, he would more than likely be a prime candidate to return to the BB house.

Chelsia Hart - While not the most likable in the house, Chelsia has a solid fan base outside the house and I believe it would be enough to bring her back. Besides, there are few other choices from this misfit season of BB.

Season 10
Brian Hart - No relation to Chelsia, Brian became instantly popular upon his eviction. If you were to ask Brian about his game play, he would most likely say that he was a successor to the "puppet master" Will but his strategy was so poor, his house mates rebelled and sent him packing the first week. That being said, he was extremely popular among fans in spite of the fact that he stayed only one week.

Keesha Smith - Keesha won the season-end prize for her popularity. She's one of few popular favorites that made it so far in the game, and she would deserve another shot. I doubt, though, that she will make an appearance on BB this year, as wedding plans are in the works.

Angie Swindell - Angie was another favorite made so mainly because of her unceremonious departure at the hands of Keesha, along with her association with Brian. Her game play was average and it seemed to me that her heart was never in playing the game but she would probably take the place of Keesha.

Season 11
Jeff Schroeder - While Jeff managed to get further in the game than any man on the list, it would not have happened without the help of America and the Coup d'etat. Jeff lacked a clear game plan but somehow managed to get by. As he exited the BB house, he became quite possibly the most popular player in BB history.

Jordan Lloyd - The only winner on the list, Jordan struck BB gold in her relationship with Jeff. Somehow or another, Jordan pulled out the win and stepped out into a much different life. Jordan possesses a certain charm that's at least one part naivety that sets her apart.

A lot of people might disagree with this list. For instance, some would argue that Evel Dick would deserve a shot because of his obvious popularity, but I don't think he would be brought back during a season like this. One reason being that Dick is a wild card, and producers may not be interested in trying to reign him in. They also may not be ready for the criticism that would come with the decision.

Another potential choice for a favorite would be Daniele Donato from season 8; however, her game skills make her a viable choice for All Stars.

Game Play
That being said, the game play during a season of Fans vs. Faves would be totally different from previous seasons. If the faves did not study up on the logistics of the game, they will probably be eliminated quite quickly. There's also the risk of egos getting involved like never before as each one would feel the need to assert there place in BB history.

Then there's the fans who might be like Ronnie in his obvious hero worship of Jessie. It's very possible that true fans of the game would be so "star struck" by the Faves that they would be eager to keep them in the game.

Really, it's a toss-up as to who would have the upper hand.

Two Houses?
For the past several seasons, the rumors circulate regarding a second house. People are posting online that they've seen it and swear to it. Yet so far, no season of BB has ever included a second house. But, that's not to say that it will never be. There's always a possibility and a Fans vs. Faves season might be the one in which a second house debuts.

How would it work? One possibility would be to have a house with luxuries while the other house would be bare bones. Kind of a have/have not twist, only the entire team would be affected.

All New Players
Personally, I don't want a season that features popular, but unskilled players. I would love to see a season comprised entirely of fans who have watched at least five seasons. I think we would see some great strategy!

Dear BB Producers,

Please give us a season of great strategic players. Don't hand us a bunch of recruits who look good on screen but flail through the game without goal or purpose.

Thanks much!